Nasi Lemak & Nescafe Tarik

These last few weeks, I’ve been bombarded with so many conspiracy theories in my conversations with my colleagues, friends and relatives. To summarize a few:-

1. Anwar’s `Grand Design’ in which it was Anwar himself who set up Sodomy 2, so that he can whip up sympathy and support from Malaysian. 

2. Elements in Pakatan Rakyat working hand in hand with BN to deny Anwar from winning the by election.

3. The PM is trying to deny Najib from succeding him, even though the PM had promised to turn over the leadership to the DPM. 

4. PAS Nasharuddin is at loggerheads with Husam with the latter will try to discredit him in the coming Muktamar PAS in Ipoh.

5. Husam was promised the TPM post, if Pakatan Rakyat become the ruling government (if ever) with Anwar as PM.

That, and a whole lot more.

Of course, theres no harm in exploring the could and would be scenarios. Heck, its even fun to imagine and explore few odd possibilities, for example Shahrizat joining PAS, since she declared that its a jihad duty for UMNO to beat Anwar in Permatang Pauh. Or Samy Vellu resigned his reign as the MIC President with immediate effect. Things like that.

On the other hand, as the man on the street, its very hard to believe everything that we hear and read. More often than not, we were left wondering what’s actually going on.

Having said that, with regards to the inevitable Permatang Pauh by election, in my opinion, it will be the place where conspiracy theories will again hog the limelights. And I am sure each competing side will try their very best to come up with the most logical and perfect story to influence the voters mind. 

Which makes me genuinely worry that either way, instead of casting their ballots with informed decisions to choose the best representative, voters are actually going to vote for the most popular penglipurlara (story teller), ever.

Last week, I called up a finance institution to enquire about things that I need to do to apply for a home loan.

Akula: Hello, my name is akula. Is this the housing loan section?
Lady: Yes.
Akula: I am a first time buyer. Could you fill me in on the application process for housing loan?
Lady: Are you applying for housing loan?
Akula: Yes.
Lady: Go to the website.
Akula: Okay, but could you at least explain to me what should I do, and what documents you need?
Lady: You can get that in the website.

At this point I started to feel irritated.

Akula: Yes, you already told me that twice. Could you just tell me how to do it?
Lady: No, no, you go to the website!

I could not contained my irritation any longer and all hell broke loose.

Akula: Hey look, I asked you nicely. What? You think everyone got a PC?  If you dont like your job, stay home and stay stupid. That would be much better for you. 

I waited for her to answer, but there was only silence at the other end. I then disconnected the line with parting words.

Akula : Hey asshole! Glad to spoil your day!

The Star Online reported that a group of `Kuaci Prostitutes’ has been detained by the Immigration Department. Read the rest of the stories here.

“Ishak said the women were known as “kuaci prostitutes” as their modus operandi was to eat melon seeds while waiting for customers.”

Correct me if I am wrong but isn’t the story that we heard is that those `kuaci prostitutes’ modus operandi are, you know, eating those melon seeds while their customers are `doing it’?

Oh, well……..

I didnt realize today’s date is 8.8.08, until I met this lady doctor.

Lady Doctor : You know what?
Akula : What?
Lady Doctor: Today is the most auspicious day to get married since its 8.8.2008. Not that I am into the feng shui’s stuff, all that.
Akula: Hmm….interesting.

Let see what else is going on.

Beijing Olympic
20 years Anniversary of the Myanmar’s 1998 rally.
Iron Maiden performs in Prague.
238 couples to tie the knot in Klang.
Anwar confirmed he has comfortable number of BN MPs to cross over.
The Malaysian FM told US to butt out.
Police investigated the Pusrawi doctor’s SD.

The thing is, I am not into this fengshui’s stuff, seriously. 8.8.08 to me is just a number that I thought, well, interesting. Like that 8888 car registration number I saw the other day.

The Chinese Government in contrast, viewed it with all seriousness, I think. Maybe thats why they chose 8.8.2008 as the opening date of Beijing Olympic.

Of course it would be cool to do something significant today. For instance, those couples who got married. I could imagine years from now, the husbands wont have any excuse at all to not remember the wedding anniversary, I mean, who could ever forget 8.8.2008. Nevertheless, being men (myself included), I suspect that they WILL forget about it somehow.

Having read all that, the bonus question that you guys might have (without talian hayat) will be…….

“Feng shui aside, what significant thing could akula possibly did today, in conjunction with this auspicious 8.8.2008 date?”

Well, feng shui aside, I decided to join those brave souls before me, and bought myself my first house.

He he.

And so it begun.

As we all know, the Permatang Pauh MP tendered her resignation to make way for her husband to contest in a by election. And right away, Anwar promised that he will lower the fuel price by 70 cents the next day (if ever) his Pakatan Rakyat manage to kick BN from the ruling throne. Hmm…. promises, promises. I wonder what BN’s offer will be. A Singer sewing machine for every house, perhaps?

Both sides have been exchanging insults and allegations since Anwar announced that he will contest in Permatang Pauh. I expect no less, of course and will definately be disappointed if they didn’t. If you dont know it already, with dramatic and interesting plots, this is election, Malaysian style.

I was living in Canada in 2006 and had the opportunity to witness their General Election then. I observed that there were only few posters of candidates displayed, and it was done in a very orderly way, which if compared to the festival like atmosphere in Malaysia, its downright boring. Not that there are no interesting issues to be debated and presented to the voters (which were the same sex marriage, gun registry, Quebec independence, to name a few). Its simply too quite for me.

Back to the mother of all by elections. (Poor Saddam and his mother of all battles).

I would love to see Ezam to stand against Anwar as the BN candidate. In my opinion this is the best opportunity for him to prove his worth to UMNO. If he wins, he will be hailed as a hero and BN will get an exact carbon copy of Anwar Ibrahim. If he loose, well, I dont think they will shed any tears for him anyway. Considering the mood on the ground, he is the perfect BN candidate for this by election.

So the very best of luck to Anwar Ibrahim and whoever his opponent will be.

Sorry, did I hear someone mention Saiful?

I couldn’t help myself from laughing out loud when I read this article from the STAR Online. Excerpt :-

“Three months from now, Malaysians will be able to buy the i-Dola laptop and Jean-i personal computer (PC) at basement prices.”

“The laptop and PC are named after the Prime Minister and his wife.”

Come on, tak de nama lain ke? 

Like most PCs and laptops, which are so prone of breaking down, I would imagine that the owner would not spare any harsh words to curse them. Phrase such as ” my i-Dola gone kaput!“ or ” my Jean-i blew her power supply!” could be the new standard swearing line for Malaysians in the near future.

I am sure MIMOS must have given a very serious thought on the matter, although I myself would prefer the unique Malaysian Mak Cik (or Pak Cik) as laptop or PC names. But of course, in a country where the`bodek’ culture is highly anticipated, widely expected, and excessively praticed, naming things after the Prime Minister and his wife are a normal things to do, just like kissing their hands.

The thing is this, if they had found a new species of orchid and name it after the PM and wife, I would not laugh about it, since it will be more meaningful and classy to say the least.

It would also definately be, much, much more appropriate.

Lets take a break from politics for a while, and let me tell you a love story. Well, a f**k up and one sided love story, so to say.

Boy met girl.
Boy fell in love.
Girl not interested and told boy so.
Boy not giving up.
Boy tried everything in the book to win girls heart.
Girl got annoyed and pissed off.
Girl told boy not to disturb her life.
Boy refused to yield.
Boy became girl’s stalker.
Girl felt afraid.

Sort of anyway…….

The big question here is, if a girl continuously rejected a guy’s advances, should the guy back off and woo another? When is enough is enough? And what define that thin line of one’s advances until it become a harassment?

Beats me. I am not a Sunday newspaper columnist who had many experiences in dealing with problematic readers.

But I think, while its commendable for the boy to have that never say die attitude, sometimes, its best to let go of the feelings. And think rationally. So what if a girl rejected his advances. Its not the end of the world. There are certainly other girls to consider. What better girl to fall in love with than the one who would love back, wholeheartedly?

Yeah, yeah, I know that some would say, she is THE one. But seriously, what bullshit is that? Shes not into the relationship, so how could she be the one? Always takes two to tango, unless of course tango was meant to be danced by one person.

If we look back at those great love stories, its always boys and girls were madly in love with each other. Romeo and Juliet, Laila and Majnun, Devdas and Paro, (you get the idea……., and I would quote gay couples too but unfortunately I honestly dont know any. :), all deeply committed to the love of their life, even though at the end, some of them were fated not to be together and some ended up dead.

In this case, of course, as persistent as he is, the boy sent gifts, made phone calls, sent sms’s and buy flowers for the girl to win her heart although she made it clear that she cannot accept the boy’s love.  Now, could someone who tried his very best to prove his love be considered a stalker?  

Here’s what I found in Wikipedia:-

Stalking consists of a series of actions which in themselves can be legal, such as calling on the phone, sending gifts, or sending emails

A type of stalking is intimacy seekers who seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To them, the victim is a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were ‘meant’ to be together.

Isn’t stalkers usually end up being serve with injunctions and court orders?

The thing is this, I am sure I could understand the boy’s intention and heartfelt efforts, but maybe it would be a total waste of time and resources trying to be with someone who just simply not interested. And making potential future girlfriend/ spouse afraid is really not a good idea at all. It really doesnt help one bit.

But what do I know anyway? Angau is such a strong feeling, after all. 

I will not comment on the Mercedes cars purchased made by the Terengganu State Government.

I would rather focus on the decision made by the PM which is to retain the cars to be used to ferry VIPs. High financial loss was cited as the main reason for the said decision.

I am honestly dissapointed. If according to the government circular that it is wrong to buy the Mercedes in the first place, why allow it to be used (doesnt matter by whom)?

Rather, those who are involved in this wrongdoings should be punished. Period. There’s no two ways about it. If the Terengganu State Government have to dispose the Mercedes fleet, the officers in charge and the MB should be made to pay for the financial loss of having to sell them at cheaper price. And if there is hanky panky going on with the maintenance costs, investigation should have been initiated and those involved be severely reprimanded.

Buying new cars would not solve the problem at all since there is the suggestion of corrupt practices involved. What will guarantee that the maintenance of those new Mercedes will not be as high, if not more than the Perdana?

The PM and the Cabinet should have been more responsible and decisive. This is the kind of decisions that will encourage corruptions simply because the wrongdoers can get away with it. And we wonder why Malaysia was placed at no 43 in last year’s Transparency International Corruption Perceptions Index.

I guess maybe the PM should unveil a new slogan.

`I support MAL(aysia) practice: You can actually get away with it.’

In connection with this issue, the Pahang MB sarcastically remarked that maybe the people would like that to see MB’s and Exco’s drive around in Kancil. I was not surprised at all since it came from a person who decided that its justified to spent a huge chunk of people’s money to buy fancy car registration number.

And yes, I really would like to see him be driven in a Kancil.

Note:

Pics from The Star Online

From NST Online. 

SINGAPORE wants to claim a territorial sea and an exclusive economic zone (EEZ) around Pedra Branca — going back on its word to discuss with Malaysia territorial issues and activities around the rocky outcrop .

I expected something like this will happen. And honestly I could understand Singapore’s action . Its logical thinking to capitalize on a presented opportunity, what more if it were given on a silver platter.

The sad thing is, why is that we dont at least think like them. Middle Rock was declared ours, why then we cannot also claim the the territorial waters and exclusive economic zone around it? The answer lies within this next paragraph.

“It is believed that the committee will also have to agree on whether the three features are merely rocks or islands. This is because an island, defined as being able to support habitation and sustain economic life, can claim its own territorial seas and EEZ, whereas other marine features can only claim territorial sea.”

Seriously, do we honestly think Singapore will agree to declare Pedra Branca only as a marine feature and not an island? We can set up hundreds of joint committee, but looking back at the history of negotiations (water, The Tambak Johor, The Bridge, etc) with Singapore, I dont think they will agree to that. And try as we might, Middle Rock will never be an island, and we can forget about claiming an EEZ around it.

The thing is this, in my humble opinion, in whatever negotiations, we cant afford to think the other side is going to follow the rules of the game. There should be no we-trust-you feelings involved. Agreeing  to set up a joint technical committee does not guarantee the other party not to come up with their own conclusions and decisions. We should play hardball as well.

One of the proposal after the ICJ judgement is to link the Middle Rock and the South Ledge together. Why do we have to wait? Just do it. If we need to build an artificial island to stake our claim for EEZ, just do that too. (Seriously, if its the other way around, I am sure we would see Singapore dumping sands around Middle Rock for land reclaiming). And if there is objection from them, we can always negotiate later. After all, this is exactly what they are doing by claiming the EEZ around Pedra Branca.

The Malaysian FM was reported saying `Its a win-win situation’ after the ICJ judgement. I wonder who’s losing now?

Dah terantuk baru nak tengadah.

ooooooooooOOoooooooooo

July 22, Malaysian Insider;

The former deputy prime minister spoke to diplomats at the PKR head office in Tropicana to clear his name over fresh allegations of sodomy, a repeat of events 10 years ago that stopped him from succeeding former mentor Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad.

July 23, Malaysian Insider

A day after the former deputy prime minister briefed 38 foreign diplomats on the alleged conspiracy by the government to scuttle his political comeback, the Abdullah administration struck back. The Home Ministry gave a briefing on the sodomy case to 96 diplomats.

Again, why cant they think of doing it first? Cant anybody in the Government at least anticipate what would happen?

After all, I am sure it would not be difficult for the Home Ministry to anticipate such things. Compare that to the fact which they acted on intelligence sources and made us suffer with the traffic jam by putting up roadblocks and barb wires all around KL a few weeks back.

Dah terantuk baru nak tengadah.

ooooooooooOOoooooooooo

 What la, never read Sun Tzu’s Art of War, huh?

What la Sungai Pinang? Cant even think of one original question?

And please blame yourself before blaming your staff. 

Claiming ignorance is clearly not a responsible action.

For more, read this in Malaysiakini.